Home   Fiction   Essays   Betas   Links   Timeline    Updates    Contact   STA

My Angel - Spoilers thru EOD & Home
By Kita

My Angel:

Knows the name of every ancient battle sword in Wesley's catalogues.

And a few not listed.

Knows all the Psalms and most of the Catholic liturgies by heart.

Had Drusilla's rosary.

Lost it when W&H blew up his old office.

Along with movie stubs from a date with Buffy, Doyle's old address book, and a sketch of his home in Ireland from memory.

Wanted desperately to baptize Connor.

Hasn't done Tai Chi since Connor was kidnapped.

Loved the way Connor fought.

Hated the way Connor fought.

Has nightmares about killing his son.

Would do it again.

Keeps a quart of mint fudge cookie dough in his freezer.

Never eats it.

Still loves Buffy.

Could have loved Cordelia.

Never quite got around to it.

Regrets that.


Loves the memory of Darla.

Feels guilty for not burying her remains.

Respected Oz.

Disliked Xander.

Felt protective toward Willow.

Kind of wishes he'd killed Riley.

Kept far away from all the female Scoobies in order to avoid knowing when their time of the month was.

Knew Buffy's anyway.

Still keeps track of when Cordelia's would be.

Wishes Wes still wore his glasses.

Is confused by Gunn's goatee.

Is glad Fred is less crazy now, because she reminded him too much of Dru.

Will never acknowledge how much Wes reminds him of William.

Refuses to admit that he recreates the same family pattern wherever he goes.

Wishes he could remember the color of his mother's eyes.

Wishes he could forget the color of his sister's.

Has kept in touch with Willow via email since Buffy returned from the dead.

Has pointedly avoided asking any specific questions.

Retains some memories of Sunnydale that do not include Dawn.

Does not know why that is.

Is turned on by girls who can kick his ass.

And boys who can't.

Is a top.

Would bottom occasionally, but never sub.

Except possibly to Buffy.

Had to have his knees broken by Darla before he would kneel in front of the Master.

Deflowered your Spike.

Gets off *hard* on the memory of killing.

Wishes desperately he didn't.

Still can't bear to look at Giles.

Still gets off on the memory of breaking his hands.

Still prays the rosary, just without the beads.

Wishes he could taste pizza when he eats it, could sweat after he runs, and could pee after a few beers.

Actively avoids cursing and wearing light colored shirts, so his friends don't worry he's gone evil.

Works very hard to be the precise opposite of Angelus.

Resents having to.

Didn't lie about listening in on Fred & Gunn when he was Angelus.

Loves the small of women's backs.

Felt lust when he looked at Doyle.

Finds the following attractive: Lilah's legs and teeth, Faith's breasts and right hook, Gwen's eyes and mouth, and Wes' now absent stammer.

Can no longer stand the scent of baby powder or night blooming Jasmine.

Believes LA really is his city.

Believes, on occasion, he really is the center of the universe.

Refuses to feel arrogant about it considering his history.

Feels guilty about it nonetheless.

Often wishes he had never been born.

Feels less this way around the AI team.

Used to be willing to die for anyone.

Has lately narrowed it down to a handful.

Would still die if it would redeem Drusilla.

Still considers her his greatest sin.

Sometimes still misses her.

Does not believe he will actually ever be human.

Would have asked to make his soul permanent in trade for taking over W&H, but then saw Connor on television and knew what he was supposed to ask for instead.

Worries that Connor was only really born in order to be his Achille's heel, so that he would be forced to take the W&H deal.

Remembers every moment of Hell.

Has never talked about it with anyone, even Wesley, who is the only one who has ever asked.

Knew Spike was standing behind him when he kissed Buffy.

Kinda got off on it.

Could smell Spike on Buffy.

Will not admit his feelings about that to anyone.

Hates the word Champion.

Believes Buffy is one anyway.

Dreams of just one night with a family who loves him, and no monsters at his door.

Does not believe he deserves it.

Back to the Essays section