My Spike...

Went to Aruba to think a few things over after "Seeing Red," not to Africa to get a soul.

Doesn't have a soul.

Never wanted a damn soul.

Briefly entertained the thought of trying to get one to please Buffy, but thought better of it.

Thought about piercing his foreskin once to please Dru, but thought better of that, too.

Did pierce his tongue once, in the early 90's, but took it out because it burned when he ate hot wings.

Had issues with his overbearing father, not a bunch of Oedipal shit with his mother.

Still catches himself making up snatches of poetry in his head, but has a strict policy against writing them down.

Has spent so many years deliberately clearing William out of his voice and demeanor that he couldn't look or sound like him now if he tried.

Still remembers himself as an awkward dork with glasses and bad hair and hopes that those who claim that he is currently quite attractive are telling the truth.

Knows perfectly well that Dru sired him.

Still thinks of Angelus as his sire anyway.

Killed Cecily. For several hours.

Fucked her first.

And then did a reenactment on Dru when he got home.

Not only hates that Angel got to Buffy and Dru before he did, but has also thought about it every single time he's been with either one of them. Sometimes in graphic detail with mental soundtrack.

Slept with Darla once, in the 1890's. The bruises didn't heal for a week.

Still gets off on the memory.

Is relatively vanilla in his sexual tastes, like any good Victorian, but very open to suggestion.

Is better in bed than he thinks he is, but still not as good as Angel.

Would rather walk into the sunlight than admit that Harmony was better in bed than either Buffy or Dru.

Learned about sex from Dru, violence from Angelus, and bitchiness and artificial haircolor from Darla.

Still thinks about Angelus every time he kills.

Cheated at the poker game that Dracula owes him £11 for. And the one that Clem owes him eleven kittens for.

Doesn't believe in God.

Talks to him anyway, usually when he's drunk.

Still hasn't received a satisfactory answer from God on whether or not Elvis is alive, but is relatively convinced that Oswald acted alone.

Thinks of masochism as an art form.

Is perfectly aware of how stupid he is, but thinks intelligence is overrated.

Is not particularly exceptional in his ability to love passionately and still be a vampire. Just really fucking stubborn, and not about to let a little thing like soullessness dictate his behavior.

Doesn't give a damn about redemption.

Has a hard time giving a damn about anything, really, except whoever his fucked up, masochistic heart and equally clueless brain have decided he's in love with at the moment.

Knows he loves Buffy, but hasn't a clue why and is afraid to examine the subject too closely out of fear that he loves her for the same reason that he does anything-- simply to have something to fix his attention on.

Knows he loved Dru because she needed him.

Knows that she never loved him back.

Is okay with this. Most days.

Understands that loving someone for really, really bad reasons doesn't mean you love them any less. Just that you hate yourself more.

Tries not to think about Drusilla.

Usually doesn't.

Dreams about her anyway.

Tries to think about Angel sometimes, but it always results in a blinding headache, extreme horniness, or both.

Once owned twenty-six VHS copies of Interview with the Vampire, all of them broken, because Dru always insisted on operating the VCR by herself.

Was really annoyed with her about it at the time but in retrospect tries to convince himself that he thought it was cute.

Got into the habit of only wearing black and red because that's what Dru wanted and now can no longer remember what his favorite color was.

Never understood a word Dru was saying, but was never frustrated by that.

Knows that Dru's prophecies were bullshit or educated guesses about 70% of the time.

Thinks it's really funny that Angelus always took them so seriously.

Carried on long conversations with Tara when she was crazy. It kept her calm.

Never knew Tara well enough to miss her, but misses Joyce a lot.

Is kind of frightened of Willow.

And more frightened of Giles than he'll ever admit.

Is not lying, or suppressing feelings of homoerotic desire, when he says he hates Xander Harris. He's pretty sure Harris is suppressing something, though, and he kind of gets off on that.

Used to have naughty fantasies about Willow and Tara.

Does think about Dawn that way.

Doesn't think there's anything particularly wrong with that.

Has no real interest in Anya other than a grudging respect, but nonetheless realizes that she'd probably be a lot better for him than anyone else.

Sometimes entertains elaborate fantasies of him and Anya going evil, killing off the rest of the Scoobies, and running off into the bloodsoaked, alcoholic sunset together.

Has fantasized about killing Xin Rong and Nikki while fucking Buffy before.

And fantasized about killing Angel while fucking Dru.

Is kind of resentful that Dru killed Kendra because having killed Slayers made him feel special.

Reopened the cut that Xin Rong gave him several times just to make sure it would scar.

Went into that bathroom meaning to do exactly what he did to Buffy, but was too far gone at that point to have the slightest idea it was wrong.

Doesn't feel guilty about it so much as incredibly frustrated and angry at his stupidity for not realizing it was wrong.

Doesn't have any moral code beyond Buffy Approves and Buffy Disapproves.

Realizes that it's a complete 180 from his former moral code of Dru Approves and Dru Disapproves.

Doesn't think there's anything strange about that, although he sometimes wishes he had a scorecard or Cliff Notes or something so he could keep track and stop fucking up all the time.

Doesn't actually miss the killing per se nearly as much as robbing his victims, starting riots, fun stuff like that.

Drinks quite a bit more than he probably should.

Has chain-smoked for a century and wouldn't have considered quitting even if he had gotten a soul.

Doesn't worry much about his alcohol or nicotine dependency but occasionally gets the lingering suspicion that watching this much daytime TV can't possibly healthy.