Killed the demon guy in Africa just cause it felt
good
Doesn't have a soul
Never thought about getting a soul
Didn't lose his balls in season 4, 5, 6, and 7
Kept them firmly planted to his crotch area
Angel is his sire and everybody knows that
None of this poetry, glasses, bad poet- good man crap
Got turned by Angelus in an alleyway a century and a half ago, give or take
a decade
Got fucked many times by Angelus first
Beat up Buffy in season four wearing the Hawaiian shirt and tan shorts
Doesn't keep trailing after Buffy like a guy that loves someone but she thinks
he's an evil soulless thing
Realizes he's in love with her and she knows it
But doesn't wander around with a box of chocolate and a mannequin with a crappy
wig
Told Buffy that she was shit in bed and she broke up with him for that
DEFINITELY didn't call him William
Knows Buffy will never acknowledge the things she knows about his bad ass days
That's because he told her the exact truth
Which involves the love of her life playing hide the summer sausage with her
arch nemesis
Pierced his eyebrow in the 80s just for kicks
Then killed the artist who did it
Punches Xander a lot
Xander gets off on it but would never tell anyone
Spike already knows and will taunt him mercilessly in the near future
Thought Darla was the bitch of the west but still had naughty fantasies about
her
Never tied Buffy up in 'Crush' but had wild rampant sex with Dru in front of
her
Was very high at the time
Couldn't really remember anything but pretends that day never happened
Really doesn't give a piss about Angel
But Sometimes thinks about him anyway
Usually results in extreme horniness and instant erection
Goes down to LA when he thinks about it to relieve some of that horniness
Gets drooled after by every single woman on this plane of existence
Has no rest factor whilst fucking
Never EVER backed down to Riley but kicked him in the balls instead
Is a great tattoo artist
Tattooed a picture on Angels ass while thou broody one was sleeping
It was a picture of Spongebob squarepants
Has made sure Angel has never found out
Paid Doyle to keep his mouth shut
Drinks waaaaaaaaaay more than he should
Told Dawn about every single position he has ever tried
Can sing every single verse of the song Turn Back Time by Cher