((I’m drunk 
        And right now I’m so in love with you)) 

Her lips are fastened on my throat and her hands are pushing the leather lapels of my duster eagerly out of the way as I pull the car door closed behind us.  I fall back into the backseat and she crashes gently on top of me, her long hair covering my face.  I can’t remember her fucking name.  She’s a friend of the Slayer’s.  No.  A friend of a friend of the Slayer’s.  I don’t care.  She’s a drunk, horny fledgling who ten minutes ago, in a crowded, smoky bar, nibbled lightly on my ear (which hasn’t been done in far too long) and promised to fuck my brains out and that is all I care about right now.  Because I’m 
drunker than she is.  And hornier. 

        ((And I don’t want to think too much about what we should or shouldn’t do)) 

I’ve managed to coax that nonexistent little halter top off of her and her hand is in my pants and oh.  My.  God.  Oh, Jesus Christ.  Those eyes are so innocent, so stupid, so fucking naïve, but I’ll be goddamned if her mouth doesn’t know the secrets of the ages.  Oh.  My.  God.  You want to slow down, Princess.  The night’s far from over. 

She’s slipped my t-shirt off; it falls to the floorboards with a soft whisper.  She’s breathing hard.  She doesn’t need to, of course.  It’s just habit.  She’s only a couple of months old.  I’m probably taking advantage of her or something.  Not that I care.  I mean, even if I weren’t the type who takes advantage, I’m too drunk to know any better. 

        ((Lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars 
        While the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car 
        Nothing quite like the feel of something new)) 

Her hands are all over me, her lips, fastening on my chest, my neck, my groin.  She’s so cold.  Like marble moving against me.  I close my eyes and pretend she’s someone else, someone with darker eyes and hair. 

        ((Maybe I’m all messed up 
        Maybe I’m all messed up in you)) 

Oh, God, it feels so good to have someone against me again.  I’ve been so miserable and so alone and I just want one big fucking orgasm to wash over my brain and drive the memories out. 

She’s managed to pull my pants down around my ankles.  The little skirt and lace undergarments she wore to the bar tonight are barely a hindrance and oh, God, I’m inside her.  Oh, yes.  That’s it, Princess.  Take me to heaven.  Make me forget.  I keep my eyes tightly shut, not wanting to see blonde locks and vapid blue gaze, fixing Dru’s picture firmly on the back of my eyelids. 

She’s starting to make noises, little whimpering sounds in the back of her throat.  It’s ridiculous, she sounds like a sodding hamster or something.  I miss Dru’s throaty yells, even if the name she cried out at climax wasn’t always necessarily mine.  This girl sounds nothing like Dru.  It’s ruining my fantasy.  I press one finger against her cool lips, silencing her.  She complies instantly.  Good girl. 

        ((But this is the only time I really feel alive)) 

Dru.  My Princess.  My goddess.  I love you so much and missing you is like dying again every day.  But maybe if I think of you as I bury myself in this nubile, stupid child with lips like rose petals and whisper your name so softly that even she can’t hear me, maybe I’ll forget that I’m slowly dying without you.  Maybe I’ll be able to forget this constant ache inside and feel alive again.  Just for a moment. 

        ((This is the only time I really feel alive)) 

Angel might not have intended to lose his soul at the moment of climax, but I am trying my damnedest to do that very thing. 

        ((I swear 
        I just found everything I need 
        The sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me)) 

I think she just came.  I don’t really care.  With Dru it was always about her first, then me; satisfying her desires, pleasing her until she was helpless against me.  Pleasing her until she couldn’t leave.  But I don’t give a toss about this girl and, frankly, tonight is all about me, me, me.  Because I’m horny and drunk and miserable and, goddammit, I deserve a little pleasure after all the shit I’ve been through.  If she gets off on it, too, well, good for her, but there’s only one woman on my mind right now, and it’s not the one I’m currently shagging. 

        ((Well I want to drink it up and swim in it until I drown 
        My moral standing is lying down)) 

The sensation is starting to build to a white heat between us.  We might both be room temperature, but it’s not as cold as one would think.  There’s something to be said for friction.  Frankly, it’s warm enough for me.  I haven’t been with a human since I was one, but those who have says it’s like being set on fire, only a good bit less fatal. 

        ((Nothing quite like the feel of something new)) 

Faster.  Faster.  Oh, baby’s good at what she does.  She’s an annoying little bint and I’m hardly fond of her, but action like this almost makes me want to keep her around.  Of course, I wouldn’t even entertain such a half-assed thought as that if I weren’t so bloody smashed, but the truth is, I might have Dru in my mind, but at least there’s only one of her.  Open my eyes and I’ll see four of that blonde.  I probably won’t even remember this little exploit in the morning.  That might be for the best. 

        ((Maybe I’m all messed up 
        Maybe I’m all messed up in you)) 

Close.  So close.  Her fingernails are scraping against my back.  I suspect she’s only doing it because she’s fascinated by the sight of the gouges knitting themselves up again- I was the same way as a fledgling- but it’s driving me mad.  I spent a hundred years listening to Dru beg for the whip, a hundred years of feeling her take me to pieces with those fingernails and if there’s anything I can do after this long, it’s walk the fine line between pleasure and pain.  Which is why the instant she bends that lithe, luscious body over me and sinks her fangs into my throat, I’m gone.  My back arches up away from the leather interior of the backseat and I climax inside of her.  God, it’s amazing.  My brain is exploding, the car is spinning, my nerves are tinged with fire and ice. 

        ((But this is the only time I really feel alive)) 

She collapses against my chest, her arms lightly encircling my neck, and it’s good.  It means nothing, but it feels good to have someone pressed against me again after so long. 

        ((This is the only time I really feel alive)) 

“I love you,” she whispers against my neck. 

I close my eyes briefly.  She’s drunk.  She’s drunk and she’s young and she doesn’t know what she’s saying.  I probably shouldn’t let her say it.  But it feels so good to hear it said.  Dru would never say it and, goddamnit, I just want to hear it said.  Whether it’s meant or not. 

 “You do that, love,” I murmur huskily.  “You go ahead and do just that.” 

Time passes.  I think we both fell asleep. 

She begins to stir the next afternoon around three, waking me.  I should make her leave now- or, at least, as soon as it gets dark.  But her hands are still pressed against my chest and her form fits so 
nicely around mine and it’s so good to wake up next to someone.  It doesn’t really matter who.

I should make her leave now.  But I can’t.  It has nothing to do with her.  She’s a good shag, yeah, but there are other good shags.  This one isn’t particularly bright or interesting and I still can’t remember her name.  But she’s someone, and the moment I kick her out of this car, it’s just me again.  Alone.  And I can’t do “alone” again right now. 

She opens sleepy blue eyes and smiles at me.  “Morning,” she says. 

“Afternoon,” I correct her.  That might be borrowed blood in Kitten’s veins, but she’s still quite the human.  I wonder when she’ll grow out of that. 

“Whatever.”  She cocks her head slightly and stares at me in puzzlement.  “I can’t remember your name.” 

Well, at least I’m not the only one.  “It’s Spike.  What’s yours?” 

“Harmony.” 

“Well, Harmony,” I say, resigning myself to the fix I seem to have gotten myself into, “I’m going back to Sunnydale.  Would you like to come along?”

        Finis