A New Man

Scenes from A New Man:

Scene One:

Exterior of Harris home, next day. A plain looking one-story house. Cut to interior of the basement: abode de Xander. Spike is seen walking back and forth as if looking for something to pack in his bag, cigarette in his mouth. Xander is standing on the other side of the room and Anya is lounging on the recliner, browsing a comic book.

Xander: (impatiently) You own nothing. This shouldn't be taking so long.

Spike: Hang on. Let a fella get organized.

Spike sees a radio and picks it up.

Xander: That's my radio!

Spike: And you're what? Shocked and disappointed? I'm evil!

Anya: (putting comic aside) So, what kind of place are you looking for?

Spike: I don't know. Maybe a crypt. Some place, you know, dark and dank. But not as dark and dank as this.

Anya: Heh. It's pretty depressing, isn't it?

Spike: I've known corpses with a fresher smell. In fact, I've been one.(flicks is cigarette away)

Xander: That's it! Let's go.

Xander marches to him about ready to drag his ass out.

Anya: Wait. (gets up and unplugs the tall three-head lamp and brings it over to him) I want to give you something for your new place.

Xander: That's my lamp.

Xander takes it back from her and returns it to its original spot.

Anya: A gift is traditional. I've read about it.

Xander: That's among friends. With bitter enemies we don't give them my lamp.

Spike: It's not gonna have electricity anyway. It's a crypt, remember?

Anya: What about running water? A fridge to keep your blood fresh?

Spike: (a beat) No.

Anya: Well, that's gotta suck. You should just get a hotel room or something.

Spike: (considers) Demon girl's got a point. I need fresh blood. If I had a few bob for a room with an honor bar--

Xander: Out! Before I get the Slayer over here to kick your ass out!

Spike: (sighs, picks up his long coat) Don't know why she didn't come. Say good-bye, shed a few tears.

Xander: Well, she has an appointment with somebody who's actually still *scary*!

Violators will be forced to watch their exes have sex on a table via laptop