Scene One:

ANYA: I want Xander good and cursed.
HALFREK: Then you know what you have to do.
ANYA: Get a wish from someone who doesn't freaking love him.
HALFREK: Exactly.
ANYA: Yeah, but my social circle is a little limited here. What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon someone who doesn't give a fig's ass if Xander gets hurt?
The bell over the magic shop door jingles as Spike enters. He slams the door shut and strides toward Anya.
SPIKE: Hey. I need a thing.
Zoom in on Anya as she gazes speculatively at him.

Scene Two:

Same scene. Halfrek and Anya looking at Spike.
ANYA: So. What's your pleasure?
SPIKE: Fresh of out of pleasure. That's why I'm here. (sighs) I need
something. Numbing spell, maybe.
ANYA: (fake smile) Uh huh. Hang on.
Halfrek smiles and gets up as Anya walks to the end of the counter. Halfrek moves that way too so they can talk privately. We see that Anya is wearing a red skirt, matching red tank-top, and matching red cardigan.
ANYA: (quietly, smiling) Oh my God. Spike *hates* Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish ... dammit, if only he were a woman. (thinks) Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him - well, he'd be a her by then - then I could go to her -
HALFREK: Anyanka. There's an easier way. Now, I know you have this whole female-power, Take Back the Night thing, I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades - men need a little vengeance now and then, too.
ANYA: Oh. (looks over at Spike)
HALFREK: Maybe this is a good chance to try it out.
Halfrek gives a cheerful little wave at Spike and heads for the door.
HALFREK: Good luck with that. Ta-ta!
She leaves. Anya smiles nervously at Spike.
SPIKE: Sorry to bust up the little girls' night out.
ANYA: (walking toward him) That's okay. I'm ready to do some business.
SPIKE: Right then. Got something that'll dull the ache a bit?
ANYA: (smiling) Actually, yes. (walks back behind the counter) Um, Giles left a couple of supplies here, and I think ... this might help.
She bends over, begins rummaging in the cabinet under the cash register.
ANYA: Eases the hurt ... makes the sun shine a little brighter, (Spike
frowning) even makes boring people seem more interesting. Ah. Here.
She produces a bottle of whiskey and puts it on the counter-top with a clank.
Spike grins.

Scene Three:

Cut to: magic shop, night. Spike is sitting on the stool beside the counter,
Anya still standing behind the counter. They both have shot glasses and are in the process of drinking the shots.
SPIKE: (angrily) So then, this girl says, "real for *you*."
ANYA: Right. But getting back to Xander...
SPIKE: (scornful) Xander. Let's not waste any more breath on that wanker.
ANYA: But he made a fool of me. And nobody seems to care enough to do
anything!
SPIKE: I care. What he done to you? I've never stooped that low, and I'm an 'evil, soulless thing.' (bitterly) According to some people.
ANYA: But shouldn't he pay? Don't you wish he had to pay in some horrible way?
SPIKE: Absolutely.
Spike picks up the whiskey bottle and his shot glass, turns to walk over to the round table in the middle of the room.
SPIKE: Take him on myself, if it wasn't for my little handicap. (gesturing at his head)
Anya comes out from behind the counter, bringing her glass.
ANYA: Right. (sits) So ... hypothetically, what do you wish you could do to him? (Spike pouring fresh shots for both of them)
SPIKE: You name it, pet. You're the wronged party. Something, uh... (lifts his glass) gruesome, how 'bout?
Spike drinks. Anya maintains her fake-cheerful smile, drinks also.

Scene Four:

Cut to magic shop. Spike and Anya sit facing each other on the bench next to the round table. Anya gestures wildly with the bottle. She has removed her cardigan sweater and now just wears the red tank top over her red skirt.
ANYA: (angrily) Thing about it is, none of this was my idea. (disgusted) I
didn't ask to be human. (pouring)
SPIKE: Right! And I didn't ask for this bloody chip in my head.
ANYA: To tell you the truth ...(puts bottle down) all I wanted was to use him and lose him. I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years...
SPIKE: (grinning) Me too. The using part. I just wanted to know what I was
missing, move on.
ANYA: (maudlin) Yeah ... and he was ... all bumpy ... in the right places. And nice to me...
She trails off, looking wistful. Spike looks the same way.
SPIKE: (softly) She was so raw. I've never felt anything like it.
ANYA: Next thing you know ... I'm changing to please him. (a little more
upset) I care if he cares!
SPIKE: (nodding) Right.
ANYA: And I'm off my guard. Happy! I'm singing in the shower and doing my sexy dance?!
SPIKE: Exactly. (pauses) I ... have no dance.
He looks sternly at Anya as if to make sure she's buying it. She nods, but
frowns a little.

Scene Five:

Cut back to Magic Box. Anya is now sitting on the table.
ANYA: Screw 'em!
SPIKE: To the rafters!
They clink their glasses together and drink.
ANYA: I did everything for that man. Was it ever enough?
SPIKE: Never! (slurred) I was always going above and beyond. I saved the
Scoobies how many times? And I can't stand the lot of you.
ANYA: Me either! I hate us! Everybody's so *nice.* Nobody says what's on their mind.
SPIKE: You do. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance.
ANYA: (giggles, pleased) Really?
SPIKE: Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, (Anya giggling) but she was straight about it. That's a virtue.
ANYA: Mm. Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude.
SPIKE: (like 'duh') That's because he's one of them. Uptight. Repressed.
(makes "uptight" gesture with one finger)
ANYA: (frowning) You think?
SPIKE: Please. It's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, luv. We should have been dead hundreds of years ago ... and we're the only ones who are really alive.
Anya smiles, gazing down at him. He looks up at her. They both smile at each other.

Scene Six:

Cut back to Magic Box. Anya is sitting on the bench again, closer to Spike than before. The bottle is nearly empty. Spike picks it up with a sigh, pours the last of it into one shot glass.
SPIKE: Here. (picks up glass, holds it toward her) Ladies last.
ANYA: (gazing sentimentally at him) Thank you.
SPIKE: Take it quick or my chivalry'll run out.
ANYA: No ... (puts her hand on Spike's) thank you.
Spike frowns a little, puts the glass down, moves a little closer to her.
ANYA: This is the first time since ... (shrugs) It feels good to be with
someone who understands.
SPIKE: (softly) Intimately. (sighs)
ANYA: This whole time, I've been coming on all ... hell-bent and mad. Wanting his head, you know?
SPIKE: Yeah.
ANYA: When, really, I ... (tearfully) can't sleep at night, thinking it ...
has to be my fault, somehow...
SPIKE: (shakes his head) Shh...
ANYA: (crying) What if it was just pretending? What if he never wanted me ... the way I wanted him?
She snaps out of it a little, shakes her head.
ANYA: Ohh. I'm sorry.
SPIKE: Now now.
Spike gently brushes some hair out of Anya's face, then cups her cheek in his hand.
SPIKE: He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you.
ANYA: (whispers) Then why?
SPIKE: (looks away, sadly) The two of them ... they're weak, is all. (pauses) But, I'll tell you what, though. (continues stroking Anya's face) They'll, uh, miss the water now that the well's gone dry.
Now Spike has his fingers under Anya's chin and she leans her face into his hand.
ANYA: (quietly) Too hot to handle.
SPIKE: Too hot...
He leans forward, very close. Leans his forehead against hers.
ANYA: Um ... just-just one more question.
SPIKE: Hmm?
ANYA: (very softly) Can I see your sexy dance?
SPIKE: (small grin) I'll show you mine...
He moves as if to kiss her.
ANYA: Wait. Wait. (very soft whisper) What are we doing?
SPIKE: Moving on.
They kiss passionately.

Scene Seven:

Cut back to Magic Box. Spike and Anya still kissing. Then she pushes back a little.
ANYA: You know I'm only doing this 'cause I'm ... I'm lonely and drunk and you ... smell really good.
SPIKE: See? Forthright.
She grins and nods, and they resume kissing.

Scene Eight:

Cut back to Magic Box. Kissing continues as Anya climbs onto Spike's lap, straddling him. He pushes his hands up underneath her shirt and pushes the shirt up, revealing a black bra.
Cut back to Magic Box. Spike sweeps a pile of stuff (including the empty
liquor bottle) off the table with one arm. Then retreats out of shot so all we see is the bare table. Then Spike's hands place Anya on the table, now wearing just her black bra and short red skirt. She lies back on the table panting.
Then Spike moves on top of her, between her legs. They resume kissing.

Scene Nine:

Cut to Magic Box. Pan across the assorted stuff scattered on the floor. The bench is lying on its side. There's also a tipped-over chair with Anya's sweater hanging on it.
Anya, wearing her tank top again, picks up the sweater. In background we see Spike fastening his belt. Anya has her back to him. He looks over at her.
Close on Anya looking a little ashamed or embarrassed. Pan to Spike looking the same.
Spike finishes with his belt and starts walking toward the door as Anya puts on her sweater, staring blankly into space. Spike pauses by the door and they both turn to face each other from across the room.
Anya gives a little nod, and after a moment Spike nods back. He turns and opens the door, walks out.

Scene Ten:

Xander pulls a stake from his pocket, just as Anya opens the door and sees them.
ANYA: Xander, no! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Anya runs over, distracting Xander. She reaches him just as Buffy does, coming up behind him and shoving him aside.
Xander pants and glares at Buffy. She pants and glares back.
ANYA: Xander, I...
XANDER: (panting) Don't even try to deny it. 'Cause I saw it all. The whole beautiful show.
ANYA: How...?
Xander glares angrily at her.
ANYA: It was just, it ... it was just a thing. I ... I felt bad, and he was
just ... there.
BUFFY: (to Spike) Didn't take long, did it? (Spike looking sourly at her)
XANDER: (still yelling at Anya) Oh, oh, oh, okay! You had to do it. Because he was there. Like Mt. Everest. (upset) Like I used to be.
ANYA: (angry) And then you weren't. You left *me,* Xander. At the altar.
(yelling) I don't owe you anything.
XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? Dead or alive?
ANYA: Where do you get off judging me?!
XANDER: When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you, and you hit me back? Very mature.
ANYA: No, the mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling
stupid, pointless jokes, so that no one will notice that you are just a
scared, insecure little boy!
XANDER: (bitterly) I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. (pointing at Spike) You wanted me to feel something? (Anya looking chagrined) Congratulations, it worked.
Anya stares at him, looks like she might cry again.
XANDER: I look at you ... and I feel sick. 'Cause you had sex with that.
(points at Spike again)
Anya looks down at the ground, hurt.
Buffy looks a bit ashamed too.
SPIKE: (quietly) It's good enough for Buffy.
XANDER: (yells) Shut up and leave her out of...
Xander stops as what Spike said sinks in. He and Anya stare at Buffy. Buffy looks all upset.
ANYA: Buffy?
BUFFY: Xander...
XANDER: (shaking his head, full of pain) I don't want to know this.
Shot of Xander's stake clattering on the ground.
XANDER: I don't want to know any of this.
He walks off. Buffy looks very upset, watches him go for a moment, then turns to glare at Spike.
Spike just looks back at her, unapologetic.
Buffy looks angry but resigned. She turns and follows Xander.
Spike and Anya stand side-by-side watching Buffy go. Shot of Buffy's back as she walks away.
SPIKE: (OS) Bloody Xander, mucking(?) up everything.
Spike looks sullen.
SPIKE: You know, I wish-
ANYA: Don't.
Spike looks at her, a little surprised. Anya grimaces in self-disgust.
They move off in opposite directions, Spike down the street, Anya back toward the shop.