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TITLE: What She Deserves
AUTHOR: Jessyca
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Anya or Spike...the almighty Joss Whedon and company do
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: I mention Hell's Bells, Entropy and Seeing Red and of course Grave
SUMMARY: Anya visits Spike in his crypt and he makes a wish. Character Death. Post Grave (yes again...)
FEEDBACK: Please...just don't be mean. I don't like mean people.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I had to write this...my mind just would not leave me alone until I did....it’s NOT a Spike/Anya.....
although I toyed with the idea....but you can easily look at it like it is. This is my first character death story.

What She Deserves
by: Jessyca

Anya stepped into the dark and dank crypt of Spike. She had been visiting him every other day since his return from Africa four months ago. He had come back different - broken. So unlike his usual cocky attitude. He had returned with his soul.

Anya thought of the first day he came back. He announced his new appendage, although reluctantly. They didn't believe him. Even if the pain he was in clearly shown through his eyes. She saw the soul in him the second he walked through the door of the Magic Box, or rather, her demon did.

They all pushed him away, even his Nibblet. All but her. His pain drew her to him. She wanted to give him solace. Anything to take his pain away. Like he did when Xander left her at the altar, even if it was just a little while.

Anya stepped down the ladder into the lower level. She knew he was down here. He always was. She doubted he left the crypt since he came back. Usually, she found him sitting the dark or occasionally, there were a few candles lit, like now. She hated seeing him in the light. He looked broken, exhausted, gaunt, and deathly pale - even for a vampire.

“Spike?” she asked softly.

His head snapped up from his location on the floor and looked at her.

“I brought you some blood,” she said, holding the bag up before setting it next to him. It remained untouched. She doubted he ever ate it. Yet she still brought it. Just in case.

She sat on the floor beside him. “How you feeling?” she whispered. He was silent. “Spike?” she pressed.

“She was only five or six, so young. Dru insisted on it. I couldn't deny her so I did it. God, just a child,” he said finally, tears filling his eyes.

Anya looked away from his face. She hated seeing him like this. So weak.

“You know, I never used women to ‘play’ with,” he started bitterly. “No, that was Angelus’ deal. At least not until Buffy. She has every right to hate. Every right to want me dead. After what I did to her.”

“Spike, what are you talking about?” Anya asked. She was not aware of anything he did to Buffy - well, asides from wanting to kill her but that was ages ago.

He looked at her with pained eyes. He was an open book. “Oh,” she said, realization striking.

“Does it ever go away?” he asked, sounding like a child.

Anya shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. I'm sorry.”

They were silent for a while until Spike spoke. “Pet, I want you to remember, it's not your fault. It's my choice. That is, if anyone asks.”

She looked at him, confused. “Spike, what are you-?”

“Just remember that.”

She nodded. “Okay, but what choice? Spike, what are you-” she cut herself off. “No, this is not the way out. Please, don't make me do this.” A lone tear fell as she realized what his ‘choice’ was.

“It's what she deserves.”

“Buffy?! How the hell can you bring her up? It's not like she's ever seen you since you came back. She won't care one way or another,” she pleaded with him.

He smile slightly. “It's what she deserves,” he repeated. “Remember, my choice.”

“But what about what I want? I don't want to do this. I can't do this. Please, Spike, don't make -”

“I wish I were dead.”

She stopped and looked him in the eyes as more tears fell. She felt her face change and become that of the demon inside her. “Wish granted.”

She watched as his ashes fell to the floor. Her tears came more strongly. Anya looked at the pendant around her neck. She tore it off her neck and through it against the wall of the crypt. It shattered into a million pieces, effectively destroying her demon self.

Anya turned her gaze back to the ashes on the ground. She fell to the floor and began to sob. It wasn't supposed to hurt this much. All he wanted was for someone to love him back like he loved Buffy. She had wanted to be that someone but he wouldn't let anyone else in. He just wanted Buffy. But she didn't want him. And now he was dead.

Finis

Copyright Tania 2002
Violators will be forced to watch their exes have sex on a table via laptop