Title: Moment of Zen
"Spike, shut up."
"I'm not kidding, if you don't shut up I'm turning it off."
"Angel, please don't." Spike tried to wrestle the remote out of his sire's hand, but before he could complete his task he was reduced to little more than a laughing mass of vampire.
"It's not that funny, Spike." Angel threatened to push the off button, which only sent Spike into further fits.
"Are you even watching the same show I am?" Spike asked, wiping tears from his eyes.
"That's it, I'm turning on the news."
"This is the news." Spike said reaching out to block the infrared rays of the remote.
"For god's sake would you stop calling it the news! Nothing on a channel called Comedy Central is news." Angel said in an irritated voice.
"It is. They have headlines and everything."
"Leno has headlines too, and it is no more news than this."
"Leno just tells jokes, Jon Stewart tells me all I need to know about the world around me."
"They just said that the anus is the new *in* orifice, this is not the news."
"Move over ear, nose, and throat." Spike rolled off the couch clutching his stomach as tears streamed from his eyes. "I told you you were listening." He laughed, pointing at Angel.
Angel tried to aim the remote around his flailing childe to no avail.
"Please Angel, just leave it, I can't make it through the night without my moment of Zen." Spike laughed as he narrowly avoided a pillow being thrown at his head.
"I'll buy you a koi pond." Spike dove at the TV, placing a videotape in front of the cable box. "Spike, move that."
"No, I won't let you change it. You need to watch it."
"Because you're repressed, you need to loosen up a little bit."
"I do not need to watch the Daily Show to loosen up. I live with you, I'm loose enough."
"No, you're not, you only let me live here because Sunnydale got all implody and you feel guilty for giving me the amulet."
"Guilty?" Angel yelled, then gaining his composure he closed his eyes. "You are not goading me into a fight. I am not falling for it."
"Oh come on, you know you're more fun when you're a little wired up."
"Watching Jon Stewart does not get me wired up."
"No?" Spike asked as he inched off the floor and leaned his head against Angel's knee. "Not at all?"
"Can't we just watch the news?" Angel pleaded, running his fingers through Spike's hair.
"I do not want to watch some watcher wannabe talking about famine or gay marriages." Spike pouted.
"That's all they talk about on this show." Angel said exasperated.
"But the difference is Jon Stewart wants us to be able to get married."
"We cannot get married. We're vampires. And we're dead. And I don't want to marry you. And tell me again why we're even talking about this?"
"Because you always change it before my moment of Zen..."
"Which is nothing more than thirty seconds of the President putting his foot in his mouth."
"And then you make me go fight evil with you when all I want to do is watch Tough Crowd," Spike continued without acknowledging Angel's interruption, "and then you make me sleep all day so I can't even watch the reruns."
"I do not make you sleep all day."
"You do to. You lay there all naked, and keep that chocolate flavored lotion in the drawers, and this place is so shiny and boxy I miss the hotel. So I have to sleep with you, otherwise I get bored."
"Your logic is like some archaic language that only druids understand."
"Whatever. Be quiet, Robert Duvall is on."
"You don't even like western movies, so what do you care what Robert Duvall has to say? At least when they were talking about orifices it was funny."
"Is there any way you are going to be quiet and let me watch this? Don't you have a book to read or something?"
"No." Angel said, now that it was his turn to pout. "How long till the moment of Zen thing?"
"Five minutes." Spike said without looking at him. "Why don't you go get all naked or something?"
"I'm getting rid of the cable." Angel said as he walked into the bedroom.
"No you aren't."
"And why not? We have this same stupid argument every night."
"Because after I get my moment of Zen, you get yours."
"Oh yeah, remind me to email Jon Stewart and thank him for his support."